This nightmare-inducing disembodied hand  is actually designed to comfort babies. This “crib mounted baby soothing device” by Antonietta Batula patented in 2002 seems better suited to terrify and traumatize or even spank. Gee, I wonder why this product never made it to market. Still, it’s good for a laugh. Sorry Antonietta. Maybe you should try other soothing devices, like a disembodied clown’s head to mount on the end of a crib.

5 old time baby carrier patents that show there has always been a desire for hands-free baby schlepping.

Beginning with William J. Sprong’s “Child Carrier”patented in 1915. This carrier was either made for a largely proportioned daddy or a tiny baby.

Four more patents here.

5 old time baby carrier patents that show there has always been a desire for hands-free baby schlepping.

Beginning with William J. Sprong’s “Child Carrier” patented in 1915. This carrier was either made for a largely proportioned daddy or a tiny baby.

Four more patents here.

Wallace Lippincott of Philadelphia won the patent with this strap with a sort of swing.  Maybe kids were less squirmy back in 1916, but that harness looks pretty complicated.

Frederick D. Wood of Jacksonville, Florida came up with this baby carrier in 1944 (Patent# 2,409,331) that is a half sling, half seated platform.

Rewinding to 1911 and Mary E. MacFarlane’s child carrier (Patent # 983,376), for only the most elegant baby-suitcase-and umbrella carrying gal about town.

Rewind again to 1896, when Mary Collins of Scranton dreamed up this child-carrying strap. Her stern-looking illustration-mom definitely means business. Wonder what she’s carrying in that little pouch.

Edward Firnhaber of Worms, Nebraska dreamed up this baby walker on a track back in 1900 when railroads were all the rage. The purpose of his “simple and efficient device” was to teach a baby to walk and move in a “predetermined confinement without annoyance or irritation.” Seems like a great way to learn how to walk – IN CIRCLES.